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’ ‘Babe,’ he gripped her shoulders gently, ‘It’s probably some drunk asshole redneck who thinks he owns the place looking for a fight. He’s probably pissing on my bumper right now.’ Cheryl wasn’t convinced. ‘If things get hairy, we’ll get the hell out of here, okay?’ ‘Shit,’ Cheryl shook her head and sat back in her seat. The door opened and Teddy put one foot out into the night. He looked at her as he started to get out of the car. ‘I’ll be right back.’ ‘Famous last words,’ she thought absently. ‘Hello?’ Teddy called out to the mystery man, ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ Then there was the hiss of metal slicing through the air and a sudden spray of blood. Cheryl felt the hot liquid explode over her face and shirtless body, spattering her and turning the interior of the car red. She looked over and saw Teddy shaking violently, his arms spasming and legs kicking spastically. A long machete was lodged in his skull, splitting his head like a piece of fresh greenwood clear. I had given Janice the engagement ring about a year ago. If it weren't so damn expensive I would have gotten a duplicate. But I knew the ring would fit as it did the hundred or so times I tried it on before giving it to Janice.Finally, she says "OK you are passable but once the fasten seat belt signs go off, I want you to go to the restroom to finish your makeup." It took all my willpower to stop shaking. In less than five minutes, the man in 21A was magically transformed into a young lady. This was in no small way due to the two hours of preparation this morning to adorn my lingerie, shave very close and make sure my eyebrows were passably unisex."Are you settled in now, mam?" The pretty flight attendant asked looking me squarely in the eyes and wearing a most incredibly beautiful smile. I smiled back, look at her nametag and demurely responded, "Yes Kathy, you were in such a rush to get my seat upright that you startled me. I sure could use a cup of coffee, just cream." I.
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